Carry on, ostrich

I'm cooking a chilli. Chili? Chile? I put in a few red pepper flakes, sprinkled straight from the jar. I did not taste the chili, however, my lip feels like it's puffing up. The left tip of my tongue is burning, the burn spreading over to the middle and the other side. The corner of my left eye is warm and feels bigger than it should. It's amazing how the heat hones in on a particular point on the skin. I only have to think about opening that jar and I feel its effects.

This has been a strange week - very work-focused. I have been doing a bit more traveling; this week, to a few small bilingual municipalities nearby. I am the project officer for these communities because allegedly I speak French. I did get some practice last night. I love speaking French and will take any opportunity to do it. But it's not strictly French that is spoken in The Friendly Province. They speak Frenglish, what we called Franglais in junior high. It's quite charming. And they like their meetings long, so I'm glad it's the weekend.

In one of these towns resides just about the nicest CAO you could meet, one of those people after whom you wish to model yourself. Self-assured, unassuming, comfortable, grounded. One day, people will see me and think that. They will think, Yellowbird = Zen.

Not quite there yet. I despise being video-taped. On Tuesday, I watched a four-second video of myself that presented me with the horrific realisation that I pull not only my mouth over to the left side when I speak, but my entire body. When did I develop this undesirable habit? God. You mustn't remember this the next time you talk to me or you won't hear anything I say, so distracted will you be by this silliness.

This reminds me of Boyfriend #1 (not to be confused with #1 Boyfriend) who realised, after watching himself on camera, that he was less cool cucumber and more gnat - that was precisely the word he used to describe himself, which is pretty hilarious. I spend way too much time thinking about how I carry myself. I imagine acting would be a useful skill because one could believably shift away from gnat-like behaviour and toward something smoother, more poised, like dolphin, or cat, or ostrich.

I wish the weekend were longer. Maybe I'd be bored with three days off but I don't think so.