Two days earlier, B and I were listening to one of those 'urban music' radio stations, noting that every pop song is all about auto-tune, this one being no exception. Then I heard the song again in a bar or something, and now I seem to hear it everywhere, as it goes. I hated it, but of course, I love it now.
I don't mean to be flippant, but making light of what I perceived to be the heavy event of getting married was the best way I could think of to get through it without over-dramatising and bursting into tears. I just wanted to maintain my composure. I knew I'd get more out of it that way. Singing this ridiculous song seemed to make nothing matter. I always feel like I can handle things if I think nothing really matters.
Now that it's over, 'heavy' isn't a word I'd use to describe our wedding. It really was a fantastic day, better appreciated with a little distance because I seemed to keep the happiness I felt at the time at arm's length, as my coping mechanism. Sometimes happy can suffocate - I don't know. I was relieved when it was all over and it's not something I'd want to do again, but it was fab. The fears I had - many of which seemed to explode in my dreams in the months leading up - did not manifest on the day, and so seem irrelevant in retrospect.
The rest of this post will take the form of a list.
Morning: B and I went skating at the duck pond and practised our dance. We didn't get it right a single time and ended up bickering to release the tension. As usual.
Later morning: Bff and I went for a long walk. It was very important to me that this happen. We have been going for walks since high school. She is the first person I regularly walked with for leisure purposes who isn't a parent.
Afternoon: Got dressed with Bff, Em, Mom, Mado... which could have been nightmarish but was fine. I had a moment of panic when I looked in the mirror in my fake fur and saw a pimp staring back. The hat seemed to fix that enough for me.
Ceremony: It's much easier to repeat something than say it off the cuff, or even read it. I actually, honestly enjoyed every minute of the ceremony and I still can't believe that.
Food: It wasn't until three-quarters of the way through the night that I could taste food, at which point the meal was as good as done, so I tried to stock up on desserts but I was full.
Dance: This is the part of the night that I don't remember, except that it seemed to make people happy.
Dance party: The usual suspects held up the party. B's dad has a couple of great pictures.
The Khan show: As Bff's B called it. An interesting mix of people trying to keep the party going in DK's room. I don't think it lasted very long.
(Briefly reverting back to non-list format)... People are kind! There was just no negativity sent our way. Everyone seemed to be fully rooting for our happiness. I don't know why I didn't see that coming. The public aspect of a wedding was what made me reluctant to get married in the first place, but it was what I loved the most. I never imagined that what I have with B could be shared, in a way, with others, and that those feelings would be compounded by their acknowledgement and support. I just think that is so cool.
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